Dating Women and Dating Games, Part 14
This is a strange one. I met “Kelly” at a social event which revolved around spying, code cracking, and espionage. The event itself was good fun! I had a great time meeting, chatting, and working with everyone in the group.
My pleasant surprise
Kelly looked up my contact information and sent me a message the following day.
Ladies note to self: most guys like it when you do this too.
Anyway, over the course of the following 3 weeks:
a) I had suggested and arranged no less than 7 fun dates with her.
b) called her almost every day, especially around lunch time when we were both semi-free from office work.
I was really enjoying her company and having a lot of fun
One weekend I just wanted a break, and arranged to do things with other people.
Next thing I know, I received a text message from Kelly telling me something about she felt like she was being played, I wasn’t taking the relationship seriously, and that she was tired of putting all the work into it.
I have no idea where that came from, but I do know I was going to question it and try to find out why she felt like that.
So where did that come from?
I wrote Kelly an email (which I wish I saved) which went something along the lines of:
“Now that you’ve had a few days to think about what you said and calm down, I would like to understand why you think you’ve been played and have been putting all the effort into the relationship?
As you know, I call you almost every day. Not just text, but actually call. I cannot recall one time where you called me out of the blue except when you just missed one of my calls.
Every date we have been on, I have given thought to, asked you out, and made all the necessary arrangements. The dates we have done so far are… [date a], [date b], [date c] … [and I listed them all out in order].
If you feel you have been doing all the work, I would appreciate it if you could list out all the dates or time together you have arranged between us; if you feel like you are being played, please refresh my memory where you called me just to talk, invited me over, arranged a catch up, or something else so I can see where I’ve fallen short.”
I never expected to hear back from Kelly after that message
To my utmost surprise, she called me the next day to apologize, actually say I was right, and she deserved the message I wrote. (!!)
We all mess up, have bad days, and that was so humbling and courageous of her to do I completely forgave and forgot everything.
So we started seeing each other again
Fast forward about 3 weeks to a Saturday morning. She had asked me if I’d be interested in going to a national park with her for some hiking. After a really busy week, I told her I didn’t know how I’d feel Saturday morning, but would let her know. She said she was going anyway, but would be great to have me along.
Saturday morning rolled around, and I received text messages from some friends wanting to go for a casual bike ride. I was out the door and cycling with them. After we started the cycle ride, I texted Kelly to say I was sorry that I forgot to let her know when I woke up, and hope that she had already left for the trip.
She texted back 2 minutes later (when I was back on my bike cycling with friends) saying she had twisted her ankle and didn’t go. It wasn’t twisted badly, but didn’t want to risk it. She then asked if I wanted to catch up later.
30 minutes later (I was still cycling and hadn’t stopped) she texted me to say, “If you’ve already changed your mind about spending some time today or you got a better offer elsewhere, then just say so. I’d rather the straight up tell me than play games. I’ll always be open and honest with you and I expect the same in return.”
I saw that message when we stopped mid-morning for a break on our bike route and immediately went, “What the?!”
I texted back asking, “what is with the lecture?”
“I don’t even know. But I do know that I hate playing games, or feeling like I’m being played. My insecurity is from being played by men too much in the past, and just expecting it automatically now I guess.”
“Just want to tell you how bizarre you are too. Why are you still talking to me after I go off on a rant at you?”
That’s the irony of this experience.
You’re right Kelly. Twice within a month when this is supposed to be the “honeymoon period” of a new relationship.
Why am I?
I’m not looking for therapy clients.
“Every day is a new day, and you’ll never be able to find happiness if you don’t move on.” -Carrie Underwood