Share the joy

Sex Mistakes Women Make

When it comes to long-term relationships, one of the joys – and subsequent pitfalls – is that partners get very comfortable with each other. From the kitchen to the couch to the bedroom, over time we learn what our partner likes and we don’t have to stress about the possibility of getting something wrong.

While that may be great when you’re choosing new decorations together, or cooking his favorite meal, it’s not always so good when you want to get your sexy on.

Just as women generally don’t like foreplay fast-tracked, fast-tracking your communication is not always a good thing. Not only will you both find your sex lives far less than exciting, but you may also fall into the trap of developing bad habits which, when repeated over the years, will see things fall into a complete and *yawn* boring rut.

So this Valentine’s Day, try discovering simple ways you can keep yourself from sliding down that slippery slope.

Here’s how:

Sex Mistake 1: Not initiating sex

For most women, initiating sex is just not something they do – it falls into the “Man’s Job” category, along with checking the oil in the car and mowing the grass. Whether it’s because women don’t want to come across as too pushy, demanding, unladylike, or you’re accustomed to being tapped on the shoulder by your ever-keen partner, the actual act of initiating sex is not something many women do often.

Go on ladies! Initiate! Show us how much you want us too!

Wake up call ladies – this is the 21st century! Give it a try. Men like to be pursued just as much as women do, so he’ll appreciate that you’re interested and your advances will make him feel prized.

When I say, “give it a try” ladies, I mean do more than just throwing on that slinky dress.

Approach him.

Initiate the sensual/passionate kissing.

Start removing his clothes *first*.

Crawl across to him on all fours, push him down, and crawl on top.

Push him up against a wall, turn around, and slide onto him.

It’s not his responsibility to start things all the time.

I guarantee that if doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on his or your shoulder, you’ll look at it later and giggle at the happy memory too.

Sex Mistake 2: Over-thinking what you look like. He isn’t!

We all age. Some (like myself) better than others. 😉

But seriously, if you’ve been together over the long term, your body isn’t the body you flaunted when you first met.

You know what?

Neither is his.

Being seen naked is a habit we fall out of as we get older. Is it because we want to preserve the memories of what “used to be”? Or is it because we tend to focus more on wanting sleep? Or (if you have kids) because you’re being woken early and can’t go chasing each other around the house like naked rabbits late at night like you used to? For whatever reason, those precious, intimate acts tend to take place more and more under the covers in the darkness of night as we get older.

If you still can’t bring yourself to be completely naked, relax about the wobbly bits on your legs or arms.

They are, after all, just bits.

Flesh is flesh.

In order to get out of bad habits, you need to enjoy, relax, and not focus on the “bad” bits.

Keep the following two things in mind as well:

while men are naked with you, they are not going to care about those wobbly bits
most men are notoriously unobservant to begin with. Don’t work yourself into a rampant paranoia, wondering how much he may notice that your skin isn’t as tight as it was 10 years ago. If you focus on that, he will too. So instead focus on enjoying the motions in the oceans, and he will too!

Sex Mistake 3: Believing he’s always up for it

As much as we love sex and its associated fun, a man’s libido isn’t always in full throttle.

This may be hard to believe ladies, but men’s libidos aren’t permanently set on GO. Sure, teenage boys are mostly ready and willing anytime, anywhere, anyhow, but grown men are a different story. They need more flirting and stimulation than just a wink.

See, unless you happen to be with a guy who has zero responsibilities, the everyday pressures of life – work, finances, family – can have a big impact on a man’s libido. What I’m saying is there actually will be times where, like you, he just wants to sleep and nothing more.

His lack of desire should not be read as a personal rejection, but rather more as a normal fluctuation of his libido. Look at it this way ladies – how much do you feel like having kinky sex after a big day of kid-wrangling or diaper changing?

Yet you still love your partner, don’t you?

Sex Mistake 4: Not giving him guidance – men are not mind readers

For lots of people, talking directly about sex with their partner is hard and/or uncomfortable. The downside? You’re unlikely to have a satisfying sexual relationship unless you do.

Ladies, you are not a passive vessel floating along, so take responsibility for your own pleasure!

We don’t share a brain, so use your mouth and exercise those vocal chords.

Tell him those “motions in the oceans” you absolutely love, or want to try, and you will go a long way towards you both adjusting your sails and reaping a fantastic sex life.

Ignoring the times when we want a quickie, men usually like to make sure they’re pleasing their woman, so a little tactful direction will pay off big dividends next time.

Give us charts or graphs if necessary

Talk to us.

Educate us.

Give us charts or graphs.

I must emphasize though – be tactful about delivering your message. Particularly if you are asking him to stop doing something that he has been doing for years, under the assumption that you liked it.

Sex Mistake 5: Sticking with the familiar

Push your boundaries a little. This may be shocking for some of you, but spontaneous sex outside the bedroom is fun. Remember when you were younger and you’d contemplate sex outdoors? Or in places you shouldn’t? Or how you’d set up some romantic environment?

If you didn’t, personally I’m glad I haven’t met you.

But if you did, why stop now?

I think we can all agree familiar is not very exciting. It can be comforting and at times we need comfort. But really ladies, after years of doing the same things the same way, sex can and will become more of a ritual than most of us like to admit.

Spice things up occasionally by doing things differently.

Greet him and make your move some place where you normally wouldn’t

There doesn’t have to be drastic changes.

Only slight ones.

Slight enough to be noticed.

Don’t wait for your partner to suggest it either.

Take the lead here!

For instance, if you usually wait until you’re in the bedroom before you attack your man, get him in the hallway on the way to the bedroom. It’s something different, with a different locale, and probably different positions depending on how narrow your hallway is or what’s under you (rug burn anyone?).

The benefits certainly outweigh the risks (and who ever complained about getting a rug burn from great sex?!).

Plus you might be rewarded with a round 2 later in the bedroom.

And if he suggests doing things differently, please do not take it personally or start over-analyzing his suggestion!

Turn your “what-does-he-really-mean-or-is-trying-to-say” inner voice off!

Trying new things does not mean he’s unhappy with your sex life (and by extension, you). It merely means that he obviously still adores you enough to want to do new things with you.

How’s that for a bonus after being together for years on end?

And lastly on this point, do not refuse to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have these rare Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that particular pattern.

They.
Can.
Be.
Washed.

Sex Mistake 6: Don’t be a “Starfish”

Every guy has come across a woman who, for whatever reason, just doesn’t feel like doing anything (and I mean anything) at all.

She lays there like a starfish: head flat out facing north; arms and legs pointing like a compass: northwest, northeast, southwest, southeast.

This is acceptable for anyone if they’re awoken from a dead sleep at some ridiculous hour in the morning.

Otherwise, has everyone seen a starfish lying around? While it may be pretty, it’s not very interesting after the initial 10 seconds, is it? Boring right?

Exactly!

So get on top. Or arch your back a little bit.

And just move.

Do something to indicate that you:

are not dead
didn’t suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move

That will spice it up for us ladies, and we’ll be encouraged to do the same.

Yup, she’s definitely alive and using those hips

Sex mistake 7: We are not just a penis with legs

Women on talk shows will complain about how little a man knows about women. Well ladies, how much do you know about us men?

Do you like our hobbies?

Or even know what they are?

Do you know what makes us feel wonderful in bed?

Do you know what our favorite colors are?

Or your lover’s favorite childhood memory?

We have a body too with things like backs, shoulders, stomachs, and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch.

Do you know where your lover’s favorite spots are?

Nothing is more intimate for you than when you’re with someone who knows about your needs.

Guess what?

Same for us.

And if you’ve been together for a while and don’t know the answers to any of the above questions, I suggest you get on the ball with those too.

Sex mistake 8: Expecting him to always undress you

I will be the first guy to admit I absolutely love undressing a woman, slowly, sensuously, piece by piece. Other times it will be the complete I’m-ripping-everything-off-because-I-need-you-now.

It may feel and be sexy to you when your man is stripping you down for some cha-cha.

But always expecting or waiting for him to take your clothes off will get boring for him, and shows a lack of enthusiasm on your part too.

Some of the sexiest movie scenes portray a woman walking over to the man she wants to seduce, and stripping off her dress/bra/top along the way.

Show your man you’re ready!

It’s hooooooooooooooot.

It’s sexy.

It shows him you intend to give him a memory he’ll never forget.

And there isn’t a man alive who isn’t wishing that would happen to him as he’s watching that movie scene.

There’s no reason men should always have to do all the work.

Help a fellow out.

Sex mistake 9: Letting go of your female allure

Your guy wants to keep all the passion alive in your relationship as much as you do, but if he can’t see any of the female sweetness that got him hot for you in the first place, what is he supposed to cling to?

The memory of your allure?

The friendship that has developed out of your relationship?

If you know what it is like to end up with half the guy you fell in love with, make sure you don’t do that to the man you love.

Especially if you have children.

Sex mistake 10: all charm and romance

We know you just love telling girlfriends what your honey-bunny did for you.

We get it.
Expecting him to be roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a porn star all the time.

Sometimes it’s nice when your man is all charm and romance.

Bragging rights for you.

But only sometimes.

Expecting him to be roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a porn star all the time.

If you’re not willing to do that, don’t expect him to switch for you.

Unless you’re willing to act like a porn star all the time, don’t expect him to be charming and romantic all the time either.

In the end, sex is intimate; sex is healthy; sex is fun.

With someone you really click with and work with to avoid such simple mistakes, sex is also awesome.

And hilarious.

Because somewhere along the line while building towards the Big-O, someone is going to inadvertently fall off a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget, or maybe even accidentally end up in the emergency room.