What I’m looking for in a woman. 10 things. That’s all. 47


What I’m looking for in a woman. 10 things. That’s all.

After writing “What are my chances of finding love?“, a few readers wrote me personal messages (thank you!) providing suggestions on where I can go or what I can do to meet quality women (keyword there is ‘quality’). However, some readers did ask what I’m looking for in a woman. So this post is all about what ‘m looking for in a woman.
What I'm Looking For In A Woman

 

The Conundrum

I get asked this a lot. I’m sure a lot of other single people do too. What is interesting is the feedback I receive when I actually tell people what I’m looking for or things I’ve tried.

  • Some people say I’m too picky; others say I’m not picky enough.
  • Some people say I’m trying too hard; others say I need to do more.

How can one be too picky, yet not picky enough? Or trying too hard yet not doing enough? Talk about a double, double-edged sword! Does anyone else often face this conundrum?

 

10 things. That’s all.

To appease some of my critics and let the universe know what I want so she can be “delivered”, I made a basic list of traits I’d love to have in a life-long partner. Besides the obvious important ones like chemistry and attraction between us, here’s 10 things I’m looking for in a woman (in no particular order):

  1. never been married and has no children from previous relationships.
  2. non smoker / never messed with illegal drugs / not a massive alcoholic drinker.
  3. Upbeat and positive. I want positive energy in my life.
  4. active and/or athletic (e.g., either plays sports, and/or likes things such as hiking/biking/swimming together, etc).
  5. young at heart. I find that women who are young at heart tend to be adventurous, exciting, enjoy some spontaneity, and generally have a playful nature about them. And really…who doesn’t love a partner they can be playful with?
  6. independence. No man wants a girlfriend they have to reassuringly text, call or visit every five minutes.
  7. sensuality! There’s something about an air of sexiness and confidence around a woman that will draw my eyes to you when you enter a room. I want a woman who feels comfortable in her own sexuality…and expressing that sensually to me.
  8. sense of humor. The ability to laugh at life, at yourself, with friends/family, with someone special. Snappy comebacks are just the witty repartee to keep the sparks in a relationship. It’s amazing.
  9. intelligence. I want a woman who knows a little about a lot instead of a lot about so little.
  10. Has some class. I shouldn’t have to elaborate on this one.

 

The Verdict?

So to everyone reading this, now you know the basics to what I’m looking for in a woman.

What’s the verdict? Is my list reasonable? Or am I too picky?

What are your thoughts? Leave your comments below!

 

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  • Hey Dave! Thanks for visiting my blog! Loved reading what you wrote here. To answer your question…do I think your list is reasonable? Yes and no! I know…not a lot of help. Haha! Here’s what I mean…I think knowing what you want is definitely a good thing. We shouldn’t settle for less than what we want. However, what I’ve found is that sometimes that “perfect” person may not have one or two things on our list…but the good outweighs the bad so much, that the bad doesn’t seem like that big of a deal anymore. Best of luck on your search and thanks again for finding my site! =)

    • David Lozinski

      what I’ve found is that sometimes that “perfect” person may not have one or two things on our list…but the good outweighs the bad so much, that the bad doesn’t seem like that big of a deal anymore.

      Totally agree Deanna. Totally agree. Take note too that this list is “digital” too. That is, it’s not written in stone. Think of it more like a guide. 🙂

  • Asha

    I think your list is totally reasonable. However, I think “the list” doesn’t always work for everyone. I do believe there is something to be said for being in the right place at the right time. I also think that once you start to develop strong enough feelings for someone who is special to you, some of those things on your list fall by the wayside.

    In my experience, it is really easy for people who aren’t single to make those gunshot judgements about your dating style/requirements because they’re not in the game anymore. It’s difficult to find quality dating experiences out there, and I think attached people forget that.

    I also find it disturbing how opinionated people can be about your dating life, or lack thereof. Lately I have been hearing that I need to just get laid to “knock the cobwebs off,” without any respect to dating at all.

    • David Lozinski

      In my experience, it is really easy for people who aren’t single to make those gunshot judgements about your dating style/requirements because they’re not in the game anymore. It’s difficult to find quality dating experiences out there, and I think attached people forget that.

      That is so well said. Such a great point. Thanks for writing and sharing it!

    • Jhon

      Kiss you

  • Sabrina

    Looks younger than she is? Give me a break!!

    Your list seems reasonable, but I’m thinking that dating you would be like applying for a job? It’s good to know what we want, and be clear, however I think a to specific list leaves little room for individual connection.

    • David Lozinski

      Your list seems reasonable, but I’m thinking that dating you would be like applying for a job?

      Ha ha ha. 🙂 Maybe the reason you’re thinking that is because my list is posted and your mind subconsciously started treating it like a “shopping list”? You weren’t thinking that before you read my list were you?

      While there are some specifics in this list, I believe most things are left open. For instance, I don’t stipulate a hair color, career, age, weight, hobbies/interests, nationality (it’s ok if she’s Canadian too 😉 ), etc.

      Deep down I think everyone has a baseline of traits they wish for in a partner.

  • Madelyn

    I think its reasonable…(mine is probably a lot longer lol)….i just disagree with the height requirement you may miss out on meeting someone that is a great match for you.

    • David Lozinski

      i just disagree with the height requirement you may miss out on meeting someone that is a great match for you.

      Well, that could be true of any requirement, not just the height.

      Thank you for your feedback Madelyn. What are some items on your list? Enquiring minds want to know. 🙂

  • Laura

    Firstly, I’d like to point out that the 10 in the title is a little bit of a “weasel word”. Yes, there are 10 bullet points but, for the most part, each point contains more than one desirable trait (eg. you can be trustworthy and honest without being sensual). Also, wouldn’t it be easier to look for a woman that is younger and looks her age than go for someone older that looks younger? But lets leave this aside.

    Is your list too demanding? Yes and no. This isn’t because I believe that the answer can be yes and no at the same time, but because I don’t really know anything about you. The type of woman you describe is basically the “ideal” woman for most every other man out there and, I’d venture to say, considerably above average. In this sense, the women that do have all of the desired traits are hit on by a lot of men, so you’re going to face fierce competition. Bottom line: what type of man are these women going to go for? Well, they offer very much so they’re going to demand very much: a man that is educated (more than academically), courteous, handsome, with a good sense of humor, responsible, charming, flexible, good in bed (let’s not lie, it’s important for women as well), romantic, with a stable and promising job AND that pitches in equally around the house (the list could go on but I think you get the point). That’s why your list list may be realistic, especially if you are considerably above the average guy. If, unfortunately, you are not above average (which is not to say that you are less than average) then you might have to compromise on quite a few “requirements”.

    Also, I was a bit surprised you make no requirements regarding wanting marriage/children. As far as I’ve seen, if one partner wants these things and the other doesn’t, the relationship has no future. Perhaps this is a point you should consider in the future trait lists.

    Good luck with your search!

    P.S. : I see you’re into C sharp. I’m going to give you a heads up and say that it take a special kind of lady to listen happily about coding problems.

    • David Lozinski

      That’s why your list list may be realistic, especially if you are considerably above the average guy. If, unfortunately, you are not above average (which is not to say that you are less than average) then you might have to compromise on quite a few “requirements”.

      All valid points. Thank you for sharing with my readers.

      Also, I was a bit surprised you make no requirements regarding wanting marriage/children.

      Because there is no requirement. I’m not set on whether to have children or not. I think it will depend on “us” as a couple, what our goals are, etc. For instance, we may want to live in a few places around the world — it’ll be hard moving young children around. Or, we may want to stay put in one location for a while (in which case children are feasible).

      P.S. : I see you’re into C sharp. I’m going to give you a heads up and say that it take a special kind of lady to listen happily about coding problems.

      Coding is work related, and I don’t bring work home. When I leave work, I leave work. 🙂

  • Helen

    Currently researching behaviours of Gen Y and attitude towards monogamous relationships as part of psychology thesis, this blog was interesting and may provide some insight to current thinking from those in the 25-33 year old bracket.
    The number of marriages have been declining in this group with more choosing to co-habitat , have children rather than formalising unions.
    The list that you have provided is reasonable and perhaps atypical of men who expect much more from their partners from a generation used to change /blended families and multiple long- term partners over a lifetime.
    The reverse is also true of women and increased expectations of the men they would choose to partner.
    Although a clear number appears to be physical qualities (male perspective) , are these a minimum or ‘must have’ before you consider pursuing anything further with women in this age bracket?
    Have there been exceptions to this list and if so which characteristics were present ? Would the list be revised if you approach the 40’s and found yourself single or ended a long term relationship?
    I am interested to know if you have been successful in meeting women through various forums (online, meeting groups, clubs, blogs)with desired qualities, have these been successful in fostering long term partnerships and if not, what have been defining factors /issues faced with these women despite “ticking” requirements on the list?
    Co-habitation/living together (in blogs) by single women have been cited as an expectation within a year of relationship, possibly children and marriage within 5 years, how do you view this requirement from a single male perspective?
    I would appreciate any input to some or all of the questions above. Any of your expressed opinions, if used verbatim would be referenced to your blog website with your permission.
    Thank you.
    Helen

    • David Lozinski

      are these a minimum or ‘must have’ before you consider pursuing anything further with women in this age bracket?

      Mostly. Some are flexible. For example, if a woman was faithfully married but is now widowed.

      Have there been exceptions to this list and if so which characteristics were present ?

      Generally if there’s an exception to the list things just don’t work out. Some exceptions to the list can be gathered from the stories chronicling the dating games I’ve experienced. For example, in my blog post http://blogs.davelozinski.com/datingandrelationships/dating-women-and-dating-games-part-02 she is clearly not trustworthy or classy in her behavior. Things failed to even get to the a first date.

      Would the list be revised if you approach the 40’s and found yourself single or ended a long term relationship?

      You obviously don’t realize how old I am. 😉

      I am interested to know if you have been successful in meeting women through various forums (online, meeting groups, clubs, blogs)with desired qualities, have these been successful in fostering long term partnerships and if not, what have been defining factors /issues faced with these women despite “ticking” requirements on the list?

      I have met a lot of great women through various forums both with (some only showed them at first) and without my desired qualities. The defining issues faced with these women were primarily an absence of long-term chemistry. Most of these all ended amicably and I can say I’m still great platonic friends with some to this day. 🙂

      Co-habitation/living together (in blogs) by single women have been cited as an expectation within a year of relationship, possibly children and marriage within 5 years, how do you view this requirement from a single male perspective?

      I totally disagree with the co-habitation part. Everyone I know who did not live together before engagement is still happily married to this day; everyone who I know is currently divorced or in the process of getting divorced did live together before engagement. What happened to the months of actual dating, the courting, the chance to give a relationship time to actually grow? I’ve met women who meet a guy and even before the 4th date want to move in with him. Why is that? To me, that’s a warning sign of someone who’s insecure and/or needs instant gratification.

      I’m not saying it’s wrong for everyone as every relationship is different. But to me the expectation along with a definitive time frame goes against the principles of a relationship growing and evolving naturally. Those women might as well just demand a wedding ceremony a year after their first date!

      Being married and having children within 5 years is reasonable to me. If you’ve been dating someone for 3 or 4 years and still don’t know if he or she is “the one” for you, then I think some reflection is in order.

  • Helen

    Thank you for your response, David.

    You state an interesting point regarding co-habitation prior to legalising the union. A final thoughts if you don’t mind to commenting on :

    From research and group discussions with women, the expectation of living together for many women within the first year of courtship is seen as the transition from “dating” to an actual “relationship/partnership”.
    Many of the women I have interviewed as part of my research have stated categorically that unless it was for religious reasons, they would perceive a lack of commitment on the part of the man if he does not want to move to the next stage of their courtship (which explains the larger number of couples co-habituating prior to marriage).
    Most are likely to end the relationship if they would be expected to “date” a man for a further 3-5 years while he decides if marriage was on the cards. I do not believe that this is an indication of insecurity or instant gratification on the part of the women, merely a requirement that there is progress and maintaining connection/removing the surprise element with the men in their lives.
    When asked if a promise of a future engagement/commitment was part of the discussion, the response was the same from the women interviewed. The perception was that it was unacceptable as an adult to live separate lives, with some reiterating that it was from another era and expect to blend in successfully when married.
    Assuming that you are currently dating or in a relationship at this point, how would handle the discussion around co-habitation if this was an important to the woman in your first year?
    Would you reconsider the strong view you currently hold given that the relationship might end as a result and it is likely to be the expectation of most women who may date you?
    It would be a topical discussion if the requirement of co-habitation was posted on your blog to gauge current thinking from your readers especially women.
    Thank you for your previous response and for taking the time to answer the ones above.
    Helen

    • David Lozinski

      A final thoughts if you don’t mind to commenting on :

      Ask away. 🙂

      From research and group discussions with women, the expectation of living together for many women within the first year of courtship is seen as the transition from “dating” to an actual “relationship/partnership”.

      To play devil’s advocate I would counter and ask those same women, “do you not consider ‘dating exclusively’ a relationship?”

      • If not, then:
        1. why not?
        2. do you not consider yourself in a ‘relationship’ unless you are actually living together?
        3. if yes to #2, then since you’re not in a ‘relationship’ are you ok with the man you are ‘dating’ to continue to see other people?
      • If so, then why the need to live together so soon?

      they would perceive a lack of commitment on the part of the man if he does not want to move to the next stage of their courtship

      As a male subject in your research, I would counter and say that to me it is perceived as typical “Gen Y traits of insecurity and the ‘need for instant gratification’ if they are in such a hurry.

      Most are likely to end the relationship if they would be expected to “date” a man for a further 3-5 years while he decides if marriage was on the cards

      I have two issues with this statement:

      1. it assumes the woman wants to marry the man, which in many cases, isn’t true. There are numerous cases of women just staying in such a relationships because they either don’t have the courage to leave when they’re not fulfilled or the man has money/power she doesn’t want to lose.
      2. I didn’t say they should be expected to date someone for 3-5 years. What I DID say is that I think within 3-5 years of dating someone, you probably should know if you want to spend the rest of your life with that person or not.

      To my female readers I offer this piece of advice which I think 99% of men will agree with: if you try to “force” things upon us, we will feel pressured. When you pressure someone, love won’t build, but resentment does. The pressure adds stress, feels like “nagging”, and turns us off.

      Example: how many women reading this absolutely HATE it when a man keeps rushing you to hurry up and get ready for a night out? He’s ready to go in 10 minutes; how come you’re still getting ready over 20 minutes later? Same thing with cohabitation. Let’s extrapolate. You might be ready in 3 months; he might not be ready for another year or two. But if he treats you like the queen you are, always makes time for you, and gives you everything else you’ve ever wanted from someone in a relationship, SO WHAT? Are you really that self-centered?

      it was unacceptable as an adult to live separate lives, with some reiterating that it was from another era and expect to blend in successfully when married

      And yet marriages lasted during those other “eras”. Hmmm… why do they think that is?

      Would you reconsider the strong view you currently hold given that the relationship might end as a result and it is likely to be the expectation of most women who may date you?

      I would do several things:

      1. I would ask her why she feels she has such a need. Everyone is different so I’d want to understand.
      2. I would want her to understand my view
      3. I would expect a discussion on the topic
      4. I would expect us to work on a compromise on the topic

      If she can’t do points 2 – 4 above, then she’s not someone I’d want a relationship with since those are what’s required with serious long-term relationships.

      And technically speaking, as defined by the women in your research, she wouldn’t even consider us to be in a “relationship” per se since we’re “only dating” and not already living together. 🙂

      • Summantra

        Hi Helen and Dave,
        I think the biggest challenge facing the Y Generation is their lack of life experiences and a lack of self-conviction. Quoting Dave “typical Gen Y traits of insecurity and the need for instant gratification”.

        I am not convinced that a “trial run” before marriage is the answer for couples who are considering exclusivity only. It’s not dissimilar to the saying “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”.

        I also question how much of it is societal pressure and how much of it is for convenience’s sake versus the serious commitment that goes with getting married? How often are the consequences considered before the decision is made to shack up?

        For me personally living with someone is NOT an absolute pre-requisite and nor is it an expectation within a year of a relationship. The thought of living with someone only to find out after it’s too late that we don’t see eye to eye on some things is a major concern followed swiftly by the “how do I exit this situation gracefully” question.

        Maybe I am more cautious after having watched both my sisters (who co-habitated before marriage), close friends and many women I work with suffer from failed cohabitation experiences (which included marriages that ended in divorce).

        • David Lozinski

          I am not convinced that a “trial run” before marriage is the answer for couples who are considering exclusivity only.

          Yea! I have a supporter. 🙂

          I also question how much of it is societal pressure and how much of it is for convenience’s sake versus the serious commitment that goes with getting married? How often are the consequences considered before the decision is made to shack up?

          Great questions! Helen, if you’re still following these comments I wonder what responses you’d get if you asked these to those women you have interviewed? From people I know of who have cohabitated, none of them openly mentioned that they had or have given thought to the consequences if things fall apart, or considered things like having become a “common law” couple. I would be curious to know, especially how they “protect” any assets they may have because once they become a “de facto” or “common law” couple, the other person things didn’t work out with can lay claim to their assets.

          The thought of living with someone only to find out after it’s too late that we don’t see eye to eye on some things is a major concern followed swiftly by the “how do I exit this situation gracefully” question.

          This is a very good point. I never thought of it like that. But yes, we’ve all gone through the “honeymoon” periods where everything’s great for the first few months. What about after when the honeymoon period wears off, they start discovering these “issues” that pop up, and then think to themselves, ‘O~M~G! They’re so not the person I thought they were or moved in with!” At least after a year or two you start to see such things more clearly and aren’t blinded by love so much.

        • MB

          Agreed! Excellent points made here. Love this!

  • Helen

    Summantra and David,
    Thank you both for your comments.
    Understandbly, there are people who do not feel this is a requirement and it may be societal acceptance (rather than pressure). Co-habitation to Gen Y could be seen as a prelude to children or eventual marriage and perhaps a safeguard, similar to having an ‘exit strategy’ . Divorce costs money, the generation is armed with knowledge and awareness of what is required should things turn sour. It is easier to walk away from a living arrangement which may not have worked out without the purse strings being affected and court documents/lawyers being involved. In other words, the consequences have already been considered, much like avoiding a binding phone plan if that is an appropriate analogy to be used.
    I will add that Gen X (those who are now in their 40’s ) appear to have the same rates of co-habitation prior, often so blending families. This may be a following their younger counterparts, more likely if there was a previous marriage which adds caution to legalising the union.
    David, you added the statement that marriages in the previous era lasted. I will probably say that stigma was attached to the idea of divorce with the Baby Boomers. Society had clearly defined roles for men and women in marriage,regardless of whether you realised that you were incompatible with the person you married, the expectation was still that you stayed together for the sake of children. I would go further by saying that I would not be surprised if many of the baby boomers lived separately under the same roof so as to provide stability for their children.
    I have yet to research divorce rates as part of my thesis and rates of divorce with or without cohabitation.
    I would ask this question in response to the comment regarding the honeymoon period wearing off in cohabitation and realisation of incompatibility.
    If cohabitation after engagement or marriage is the preferred option for both of you, why would the scenario be any different? Is there a natural paradigm shift and would you be more inclined to adjust to the spouse because you are legally bound? How would you deal with this incompatibility when you eventually marry and move in with your spouse?
    Helen

    • David Lozinski

      I have yet to research divorce rates as part of my thesis and rates of divorce with or without cohabitation.

      I think you should at this point. 🙂

      If cohabitation after engagement or marriage is the preferred option for both of you, why would the scenario be any different? Is there a natural paradigm shift and would you be more inclined to adjust to the spouse because you are legally bound? How would you deal with this incompatibility when you eventually marry and move in with your spouse?

      The scenarios are different because of people’s mindset.

      When people cohabitate, I feel they don’t take marriage as seriously. For example, if I received a dollar every time someone said, “it’s only a piece of paper”, I would be super rich. I see so many couples just go into it non-chalantly without the firm “life time” commitment. If things are running smoothly for a cohabiting couple, they may head toward marriage thinking, “Well, we haven’t been fighting much lately, and after living together for this long, I sure don’t want to start over with someone else. Why don’t we just make it official?” These couples often find it difficult to explain exactly what marriage is. You go through a big ceremony, get a piece of paper and new Tupperware, and go back to what you were doing before. This undermines the meaning of marriage as a covenant that two people make with their “God” and each other. Since they think less of marriage, they are less likely to work tirelessly to preserve it.

      I can back this up with a lot of official studies and examples.

      Let me start with the first: “mail order brides” (MOB). MOB’s aren’t able to cohabitate before marriage with Western Men. We know the divorce rates in Western Nations like Canada, USA, Australia is near 50%. Yet, the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) reports that “…marriages arranged through [mail order bride] services would appear to have a lower divorce rate than the nation as a whole, fully 80 percent of these marriages having lasted over the years for which reports are available.”

      That’s EIGHTY PERCENT success without cohabitation. Most of these women go into marriages seeking “the one” and have the older traditional values on marriage. They have a different mindset than western women.

      Reference for the above quote

      Next up the Centre for Immigration Studies who again state a 20% divorce rate with mail order bride marriages. A separate organization comes to the same conclusions the census did.

      Second: the NY Times published an article in which it states:

      “Couples who cohabit before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) tend to be less satisfied with their marriages — and more likely to divorce — than couples who do not. These negative outcomes are called the cohabitation effect.”

      Third: More reasons why I think people don’t take marriage as seriously after cohabitation is rather than entering into marriage after having already decided they want to spend their lives together, some of them are “sliding” into their marriages. In other words, some couples who would not (and should not) have gotten married otherwise do so because they were living together. Can anyone say, “relationship inertia”? Simply enough, it is harder to end a relationship when you are living with your partner.

      So again, mindset at play. That’s how the scenarios are different.

      Other than giving the generic, “I would discuss the issue with my spouse”, there’s no way I can tell you how I would deal with the incompatibility because it depends on the incompatibility. There are hundreds of thousands of differences that could pop up with different levels of severity, everything from “squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle as opposed to rolling up the end” to money related. There’s no “one size fits all” approach for every couple.

  • Koan

    “no smurfs” … i won’t comment on your idea of writing this. i will do so about your level/degree of *insert a proper word set here, based on your own viewpoint* at sociology in real life. it’s the same for those named like the word in brackets like you who write this

    did you like this? cause if not, welcome to this smurfin world.
    do your own calculations for what has been written if you’d like

  • Jen

    I def think your list is too long. That wipes out alot of people. There is no perfect person. Even if you think one day your finally found the person on your list. I would be willing to bet it wouldn’t work out. I feel you need to be more open. You never know what kind of person you could fall for. For example your soul mate could have actually been married before. Don’t be so quick to rule out what’s on your list. You just might miss out on a really great person. You might miss out on wonderful experiences your self.

  • Emily

    Great article Dave! I don’t think anyone can really be “too picky”. If I like vanilla ice cream that’s what I want when I go to the ice cream store, not peanut butter or Oreo, you know? I was just wondering what your thoughts were on something. I’ve been hanging out with this guy for 2 months now. We’re just friends, but I’d like more. He treats me as though we are “more than friends” but not in the “dating” stage yet. He also has told my friend that, because of my age, I’m just cute and not beautiful, yet whenever he and I are alone he always tells me I’m gorgeous and beautiful. He also told my friend that I’m not the one for him and he doesn’t want me to think that he likes me the way I like him, yet he IS leading me to believe that he DOES in fact like me. I know he could be scared because he married his high school sweetheart who then divorced him after 5 months. His next girlfriend, who he is still on love with, broke his heart too. What are your thoughts on his behavior?

    • David Lozinski

      HI Emily!

      Thank you for your comments. In regards to your situation, from what you’ve told me I think you’ll just have to be patient and keep cool for a bit. To me it seems like he does like you and enjoys your company. So I think right now he may not be ready for something serious or at the stage where he’s ready to make a decision to commit to you. I caution that you don’t pester him and just go with the flow and enjoy it. If you frequently ask him where you guys stand or what’s going on, it will most likely put him off. So unless you see him doing things with other women, or this goes on for like a year or more, enjoy what you have at the moment.

      • Emily

        Just wanted to thank you for the reply! Fortunately or unfortunately I found out I was just being used. So there’s that. Keep up the good blogging!

  • Your gender ideas are insane

    Here are the two things I look for in a man:

    1. Doesn’t have an insane misogynistic blog
    2. Name isn’t David Lozinski

    I swear I’m not asking too much

  • Tara

    Number 1 isn’t so reasonable. Women who have or had lives usually want to get married and have kids. Just because it ended(and most do, nowadays) doesn’t mean it wasn’t a reasonable goal. Why make this a negative trait?

    • Dave

      Hi Tara: I wouldn’t classify it as a “negative” trait. Just because it’s not something I want doesn’t mean it’s negative or a bad thing. Why I’m not keen on Number 1 is because most of the women I’ve met in that position, when asked on why things ended, have said, “Oh, I got married too young”. Or, “we just grew apart”. Or the best one, “I knew it wasn’t right, but we had been together so long anyway…” Obviously that’s different than a woman who was whole-heartedly married and found out her husband was sleeping around on her. While I may change my mind later, right now I am also not interested in raising someone else’s children. If I was, I’d adopt.

      • Tara

        I agree with the latter–getting married for expediency is not a trait of a goal-oriented person. However, as to the former two, well, you don’t seem justified in blowing those off as unreasonable. If so, God forbid people make mistakes or that life change.

        Mind you, I don’t say this out of bitterness–these characteristics don’t pertain to me. But, I have heard these comments from other men, and thus, the pure generalization of these statements makes me think, hmm. Unrealistic.

        • Dave

          I will disagree with your assessment unless you can convince me otherwise.

          “I got married too young” is a cop out. That tells me the person is using age as an excuse to break their vows. Geez, if they’re using their age as an excuse to break one marriage, what would they use the second or third time around?

          “We just grew apart” to me sounds lazy, like they didn’t put any or enough effort to spend time and do things together. I tend to hear this the most from couples who spend significant amounts of time away from each other. When I marry someone, it’s because I would want to spend time with them and share life together.

          As for your statement: “However, as to the former two, well, you don’t seem justified in blowing those off as unreasonable.” I am allowed to consider whatever I want to be reasonable or unreasonable, because they are my opinions; I don’t have to justify them to anyone. I am happy to debate/discuss, but in the end I have my opinions, just as you have yours.

        • Tara

          I hope there’s no need to get upset–you are certainly justified to have your own opinions. But when you have a site where people discuss, they will have and post differing opinions, with the goal of gaining different perspectives.

          That being said, your beliefs in regard to “I got married too young” or “we just grew apart” MAY be true–but, they may not. The circumstances that lead to these comments will be different for each person, and it is is this light that I would hope that any potential partner would delve a little deeper to assess the validity of these statements, rather than disregard them as the result of an inherently lazy person or a cop out. Who knows? Maybe she chooses not to talk smack about her exes. Maybe she knows that discussing exes is a tacky thing to do when getting to know someone, and thus keeps her explanations short and sweet.

          I truly don’t mean to offend, so if you would prefer to end this discussion, please do so.

        • Dave

          Tara: I’m far from upset or offended. 🙂 I enjoy good healthy debates.

          Feel free to continue. 🙂

  • fady

    am looking for good woman

  • MB

    I like the list. It’s very reasonable.

    I also believe it’s important to see the bigger picture whenever people share lists like these and try to grasp the writer’s true essence (to a certain extent of course, there’s more to ppl than what their list of preferences reveals about them).

    Then there’s the whole blog where your personality shines through as well, a decent picture, etc., … all great clues to what you’re like and have to offer. Good job – I would date you 🙂

    There’s definitely enough info available to attract good matches :).

    • Dave

      “I would date you :)”

      Thanks! So would I. 🙂

      “There’s definitely enough info available to attract good matches :)”
      Do you know any ‘good matches’?

      • MB

        Hmm, not right now. But I’ll definitely keep an eye out there. Hard to forget you! Quite impressionable!

  • Daniella

    Oh wow ! This blog is fantastic especially for someone like me trying to get some inspiration on writing a blog of my own!
    You know what… you’re super gorgeous too so I’m not sure why you haven’t been snapped up already…I’m assuming you’re still single of course from the tone of the rest of this blog but correct me if I’m wrong! lol.;-)
    Either way it would be great to perhaps pick your brain about some ideas for my blog, I guess I’m writing from a female perspective having come out of a long term relationship a year ago and being on the dating scene again.

    • Dave

      Thank you for the compliments Daniella. Feel free to fire the questions away and pick at my brain. As you can see from my blog, I’m not too shy about sharing my opinion on various topics. 🙂

  • Lorena

    Only you can really answer that question. What criteria on your list would you change if any? I’ve also been told I’m too picky! LOL………I see it differently, I know what I want and settling for less is not an option. However receiving what we need and may not have yet discovered could surprise us and our “list”!

    • FireMystdl

      > What criteria on your list would you change if any?

      Right now, my list is still good as is. If anything, I should probably add to it.

      > I’ve also been told I’m too picky!

      So do you have your own blog too now? 🙂

      > However receiving what we need and may not have yet discovered could surprise us and our “list”!

      Nicely said.

  • Nia King

    What you are describing is the perfect person, bc basically this everyone wants out of a mate and you have to remember that no one’s perfect. Have three non negotiables and it may be a little bit easier to find someone for you

  • GoRetroPam

    I don’t remember now if I commented on this one or not…but either way, you are absolutely NOT being picky at all! And anyone who would say otherwise is a settler. People settle when they don’t truly believe that they can have what they really want. Making a list is actually something that comes up a lot in law of attraction books and sometimes these lists can be about 100 items long, and her person can still say they attracted someone that met all of the criteria (or the most critical ones — the universe always knows what you can do without and what “perks” it can give you to surprise and delight you.) I’d be curious in knowing if you attracted a woman since this post was written that has these qualities or if you’re single.

  • Vivien

    Now throw the list away and make a list of what a woman like that would want and work on that list first.

  • Romina

    I love your list! It’s absolutely perfect. You are asking the right things for you. What it’s a shame for me is that that I’m not adventurous at all! Good luck and greetings from Mexico and never erase a point, I’m sure you deserve a person who be like that!

    • Dave Lozinski

      Thanks Romina!
      My use of the term “adventurous” is one of those things that is “relative” unfortunately so has different meanings to different people. For instance, to some people being adventurous means, “going to a new store”; for others, it might mean traveling to the heart of the Amazon Jungle with nothing except the clothes on their back. So you’re probably more “adventurous” than you realize. 🙂 Basically I like people who are willing to try new things, go to different places, and sharing new experiences together. Nobody likes 100% routine 100% of the time. 🙂

  • Patricia Chapman

    I thought it was good as it works both ways. Everything I read i want in a man.