Tips for Attracting Quality Men Online, Part 02 18


Tips for Attracting Quality Men Online, Part 02

 

This article continues my tips for attracting quality men online. Part 01 can be found here if you missed it: http://blogs.davelozinski.com/relationships/tips-for-attracting-quality-men-online-part01

 

Thus far we’ve discussed profile names and various tips for improving the photos you post. Specifically what to do and what not to do.

 

Now we’ll get more into what you should and shouldn’t write in your actual profile wording.

 

Men Like Profile Brevity, Not Novels

When it comes to the actual words in your profile, don’t write a book, or even a complete mini series, but have at least 5 complete statements talking about yourself.

 

That means you should…

 

Forget the, “Ask and I will tell”.

Women obviously do not understand how badly that single statement reflects upon them.

 

1) it screams you’re already too much effort, too lazy, and uninteresting all rolled into one.

– Think about it. No man has any of those on his “ideal partner’s traits” list.

2) it’s totally redundant.

– Someone who’s reading an online profile and wants to know more about you will ask.

3) it’s annoying.

– Ladies, would you feel compelled to take the time and spend the money to write a man who can’t say anything more than just, “ask me”? If you come across a profile like that and immediately think you already have something in common, well… I can only shake my head and say go for it because you were meant for each other. But if not, I rest my case.

Tips For Attracting Quality Men Online_02

Hopefully my advice will lead you to your own happily-ever-after ending too. 🙂

 

Stop the, “I’ve never done this before.”

We roll our eyes.

 

Like WAT-EVA girl.

 

Morgan Freeman in the Shawshank Redemption said it best: “Of course you’re innocent. So is everyone in here. Nobody’s done it.”

 

These are also killing your chances!

What Else Women Write

What Men Think When Reading It

“My friend(s) told me to do this”

Indicates you have no mind of your own.

“My friend(s) wrote this”

You’re incapable of writing or owning up to your profile.

“I’m new to this”

Probably not true. Who wants a relationship with someone who can’t be honest?

“Thought I might give this a go”

As above with an element of desperation.

 

Internet dating is a legitimate and great way to meet people. The above excuses are not required.

 

Use proper capitalization and punctuation.

Take pride in what you write. If you’re too lazy to spell check, use proper grammar, or have a friend proof-read what you’ve written, it tells us you’ll put even less effort into a serious relationship.

 

That’s how you attract men who don’t want one.

 

Spelling is an indicator of intelligence, or lack thereof.

Not demonstrating intelligence in your profile will turn off men who are. What’s totally mind-boggling is the number profiles I come across who are in their 20s, 30s, and even their 40s still don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”, “whose” and “who’s”, and “their”, “there”, and “they’re”.

 

What a turn off!

 

Personally I’d be embarrassed to be with such a woman whose native language is English and lacks the basic fundamentals of the English language.

 

Don’t Tell Us About Your Looks

It’s totally redundant to mention any sort of description concerning your looks that we can determine for ourselves from your photos.

 

Reverse the scenario. What do women generally think about a guy who only talks about his job or how much money he earns?

 

Focusing on your looks will attract people who want you just for your looks. Yes, men want women who are attractive, but we also want women who are confident enough to be measured by their actions in life.

 

Keep the profiles upbeat

Men are not looking for therapy clients. But don’t paint a utopian picture either because then it feels like it’s contrived.

 

It’s actually nice to see women list some common clichés as interests so you do come across as somewhat normal and down-to-earth. For example, weekends away or hiking through the forest.

 

Watch out though! Listing too many clichés is equivalent to telling us you like to breathe:
B-O-R-I-N-G-!

 

It also doesn’t set you apart from the competition. What makes you special?

 

Be HONEST!

  • if you look like Homer Simpson, you should not list your body type as “fit” or “athletic”.
  • if you only write or converse using sms-txt language, you should not list your educational level as any higher than primary school.
  • if you are divorced, it does not matter if it has been 2 months or 20 years. You have been previously married, thus you are not and should not select “single” if there is a relationship status option of “divorced”. You are divorced and have that stigma. If you don’t like it, then do as Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones said, “If they want to give you a name, take it. Make it your own. Then they can’t hurt you with it anymore.”
  • your “online age” is not inversely proportional to your “biological age”. I met one lady whose profile listed her age as 35, but when we met and I started questioning her, she finally came clean and said she was actually 40 but purposely listed her age as 35 so she wouldn’t be stalked. Really? Stalked on a dating website over your age? Let me take a moment to roll my eyes again…

 

More Tips For Attracting Quality Men Online

Follow these tips and hopefully you’ll have success too. 🙂

 

Avoid the poor-pity-me comments

The kind like, “I’m tired of all the losers I meet in bars.” Again, good men are not searching for therapy clients.

 

My personal favorites? “I’m newly single,” and “just out of a relationship”. Oh great. So you’re looking for rebound candidates?

 

Let me take a moment to roll my eyes yet again…

 

NEXT.

 

Actually be emotionally and physically available

That sounds so cliché, but it’s so not always the case. Read this story about Kathy as a prime example: http://blogs.davelozinski.com/dating/dating-women-and-the-dating-games-women-play

 

Take The Initiative Too

In the online dating world ladies, you are allowed to contact us as well by sending us a “kiss”, “wink”, “flirt”, or whatever. However, if you initiate contact and the man responds positively, proper etiquette dictates YOU are the one to send the initial email.

 

Sending the initial intro and then expecting the man to pay to write you is akin to telling a man you fancy him, and then expecting him to buy you dinner.

 

Quality men aren’t sugar-daddies, nor want women who expect them to be.

 

How old are you? Show Some Class

Do not say you want an email if you do not intend to follow it up. Unless it’s offensive or vulgar, you should always respond to messages if you’re on a dating site where it costs money to contact people. Someone who spends money to contact you deserves a reply, even if it’s just to say you’ve met someone else.

 

The Last Bit Of Enlightenment

The degree to which you’re entitled to an explanation is completely dependent on how long you went out.
Let’s say you’re corresponding with a great guy online, meet in person, and never hear from him again. Yes, he should be courteous enough to say, “thanks, but no thanks.”

 

However, I want to enlighten all women who think they are entitled to a communiqué also telling them the reason he is not interested in seeing them again.

 

The degree to which you’re entitled to an explanation is completely dependent on how long you went out.

 

If you dated for two years, that is clearly an in-person break-up. If you have a single dinner date, do you really want him to write you a message detailing exactly which parts of your personality he didn’t like?

 

That is not what quality men, or women, do.

 

Therefore, to alleviate all future confusion, I propose this quick guide:

# Dates

Acceptable  Breakup Explanation Level

1 – 3 dates

No explanation needed

4 – 7 dates

Short sms-text, email, or call is acceptable

8+ dates

Face to face

 

In Conclusion

I hope these were informative and helpful ladies. As always feel free to write and let me know what you think.

 

If they result in any success stories (even if it’s not with me 😉 ), everyone would love to read about it, so please post.

 

Now get out there and go get’em! 🙂

 

  • Dave,

    I came across this article while shopping for adult entertainment toys…lol!
    A very insightful article , however, I would like to say that creating a table as to acceptable ways to end dating someone seems a little clinical in its approach.
    If you have been intimate in some way, I think I would be offensive to the ” no explanation ” needed approach. Common courtesy is important and part of being an adult.
    Also spelling is “whatever” not “whateva”, if you criticise basic spelling and grammar, it’s prudent to practise what you ….
    That’s my comment for today but keep it up. I would be interested to read a” self reflective “article one day. 🙂

    • David Lozinski

      If you have been intimate in some way, I think I would be offensive to the ” no explanation ” needed approach. Common courtesy is important and part of being an adult.

      If you’re in the “no explanation needed” category, that means you’ve had less than 4 dates according to my table. So if you’ve been intimate and only had 1 or 2 dates, that’s called a “one or two night stand”, in which case most people would support my recommendation — no explanation needed.

      If you’re having those kinds of encounters you had better stock up on some more rubber while doing your toy shopping. 😉

      Also spelling is “whatever” not “whateva”, if you criticise basic spelling and grammar, it’s prudent to practise what you ….

      That was done intentionally to emphasize the slang pronunciation. If you read Part 1, you’ll see I did the same thing with play-ya.

  • Asha

    I agree with everything you wrote except for the ‘no explanation needed’ column. I think everyone deserves to at least be told you’re no longer interested, no matter how long you’ve been seeing each other. It’s kind of like a job interview and you’re waiting by the phone to see if they’re going to give you that second interview or the job- eventually you get the hint, but it’s polite to give notice that they didn’t make the cut so they’re not left hoping and waiting.

    • David Lozinski

      Asha, I understand your point of view. In an ideal world, everyone would demonstrate common courtesy and respect. Pre-internet and pre-texting years, I think people did more often than not. Unfortunately, in today’s society, the lack of communication (and communication skills) is now the acceptable norm.

      Keep in mind my example was a suggested recommendation in the event someone is not sure what to do. If you have a different set of standards, great!

      I would question though why you are sitting around waiting? Dating works BOTH ways. If you had a great time and wanted to see the guy again, why don’t YOU initiate the communication Asha? It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant… a simple email or text saying something to the effect of, “Last night was a lot of fun. I think we should try … next” will go a long way.

      PS: I think your example actually supports my position rather than hinders it because there are numerous companies and employers out there that simply don’t acknowledge, more or less respond, to job applicants or applications.

      • Asha

        Granted, I can just as easily initiate contact. But once I have done so (and I have several times), I am expecting to receive a reply. I have been left hanging more times than I would like to count. Just put me outof my misery and let me know so I can get over it.

        My comparison was more for the anxious factor than how the company responds, but I can see your point there. I guess my point was to compare how you would feel waiting to find out if you got a job to waiting to see if this person returns your feelings. Although they aren’t required to respond, it’s nicer if they do.

  • Jon Hulett

    Hi Dave. Seems like practical advice. I have one issue with your article in general, other than noting that in dealing with women a guy might actually find “never done this before” a signal of interest. (Women who do this could manipulate, but more often it’s an easy “tell” giving you the nod.) Now, why this is done depends on what phase of adult life you are in. Do we buy it? Probably not. But thanks for the turn on or signal, men need all the signs we can get.

    Now let’s get to my point sir: Divorced. Now, coming from a counseling background in divorce help. This is going to sound like practical self-empowerment advice, while your slant is dating success self-help. But the latter trumps the former, sir, because relationships are COMPLETELY dependent on our healthy state of mind. If you doubt that, ready Beyond Boundaries and other similar secular books. It’s the truth.

    If I list Single on a site, it’s not because I am being dishonest and “thanks for calling me a liar, Dave.” {chuckle} It’s because my relationship history is NO ONE’S business unless I go out with them. Only my current situation matters, which should be legally divorced or never married, and my family situation like kids.

    Shaming aside, it’s not only a “nunya” (none yo’ business) but it’s a ridiculous notion, and a complete fallacy. My currently relationship status is your business if you are interested, and my history is your business only when we talk. Where would you draw the line? Has kids/wants kids/etc. I can agree but not this. You tell women in the same article, “Don’t say your recent relationship status.” You are keeping it consistent only when it suits the “success” of the personal ad.

    Say what you want, stigma or not, no one has the right to a “false magic bullet” of me being ready for a relationship. It’s like credit and insurance: Prove I will file a claim based on my credit score, good luck. (People do it even though it’s irrelevant, right?) I know people who are more ready a year out of divorce than someone who has never been married. My friend, who found his wife on eHarmony, was never married an attracting the need to be rescued type, while his wife to be was divorced and dating quality men. And I doubt this is a rare occurrence.

    That’s not what quality men are looking for: They are looking for character, not a successful profile.The real problem in society is putting results before character. Now before you say I am just hiding the stigma, because I generally value complete transparency, I’ll leave you with this: In the personal details section I would list that I am divorced so that someone later isn’t going to tell me I lied.

    The real challenge here is people are using something ineffective as a filter. we have all bought the lie that relationships should be easy, and those that can’t aren’t worthy. What’s the first thought when someone is 40 and never married? Either never matured or not a catch. So, doesn’t that sound a lot like “divorced at 40” is bad? So, it’s going to be one of the two, and they both are going to have their niche challenges. Me, I’m a pretty sound “parent” because of background but not because I have kids, and I am 39. Book, cover, judge, you get it.

    Imagine this: You are told how to make every right decision in a very tough an painful situation. You get through it and come out aces. But then you find out what you were told was to get you to do what was “right” as a puppet, not told the raw truth until you were “ready.” So your end result is good, but it was still a lie. Now you don’t trust the same good advice because it was a lie, and you might have taken the advice knowing the real end-game. THAT is what most divorce self-help is doing these days, and that is certainly what your article is endorsing by implication: Filtering by divorced status is effective. Prove me wrong.

    But if you can get me statistics I can verify, useful data stating listing single instead of divorce is consistently considered deception by women, you have me on board. (Except that morality is not a society standard in my definition.) And, please, don’t cite statistics showing that men/women who say single over divorced in personals get more hits: Until you can correlate the two, and the pervasive belief it is dishonesty, your point is moot and I am most certainly correct.

    As for me ladies, mark away as “Single” and feel free to tell me your story as we get to know one another, when you are comfortable with that vulnerability! I will understand because safe dating means safe boundaries.

    • Aerie

      I don’t buy what you say. It’s like this: if someone posts a different age than they actually are, that person is lying. Age isn’t anyone’s business, but it’s still lying when you post an age you aren’t. Most people look for people under the age of 40. Are you saying I should lie and say I’m 38 (because it’s nobody’s business) even though I’m 44 to improve people finding me in searches? Or because it’s none of their business?
      Same thing with marital status. If you’re divorced, you’re lying if you say otherwise; if you’re 39, you’re lying if you say otherwise.
      ‘nuf said.

      • Jon Hulett

        I’d refer you to my response to Curious Consultant above, and expand some:

        Age is a required question (must be 18 best practice, 13 by law on any web site)

        Status is a required question (some sites require not separated and legally divorced first)

        You are comparing something that has a varying definition by person (which I’ve proved by even posting with an at least *rational, well written* argument) with something that is black and white. There is no comparison: It’s like saying lying about your age is like lying you are a Christian (when the recipient’s definition involves church attendance not believe system). Perhaps you see what I mean? Fact: I am 39. Fact: I am Divorced. Fact: I am also Single. Dispute those facts, ma’am? You can’t. And it IS someone’s business how old you are for multiple reasons, as well as you having kids or not. My juxtaposition between the two concepts refers back to Dave’s statements about recent relationship status not being post-worthy and a paradoxical implication to list Divorced. It’s the same thing, and my argument applies as counterpoint to Dave’s mostly in this context.

        People looking for someone under 40 (for a female, I assume?) would list lower to LIE and game the system. What I am saying is people who are NOT gaming the system by listing Single instead of Divorced are being categorized with those ACTUALLY gaming the system. The problem is those gaming the system, and calling Single/Divorcees liars is throwing the babies out with the bathwater. To those listing Single not the Big D to game the system: Stop making it harder for those who want to be HONEST online, or beat it.

        I’ve got no guff with someone saying I will filter Divorced out, except you have an equal amount of explaining to do why you are still Single as why my marriage bit the Big One, says I. What I have a problem with is insisting that people in my position, not intent on gaming the system, are being called liars. I might also ask you why you are vulnerable enough for new love by judging someone who’s loved, lost and probably recovered? The better question for them is, “How long divorced and why do you think you are ready for a relationship?” Now THAT is ” ‘Nuff said. ”

        Now, at 39 I date 28 to 42 depending on interest and maturity level. So, ladies, don’t feel doomed at until you are 43! Kidding. 🙂 I’m glad to have a women’s perspective (I assume?) on this since it lends credibility to the counterpoint argument. There is no way to get to consensus without intelligent debate on both sides. Good show.

      • Jon Hulett

        Aerie, I appreciate the women’s perspective. But, I disagree as in my new reply to “myself.”

        The truth is I am not a liar because the FACTS are I am both DIvorced and Single. Sites ask age and status for legal reasons (and just plain good taste!); my age is a fact, but my status is subject to a worldview. Yours says I am Divorced, and mine says I am BOTH. Since I am both, I am most certainly NOT a liar.

        I might add changing the age is gaming the system. Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater – men listing Single instead of Divorced may not be doing that. And does it do any good even? Probably not. And I did not say to change your age, because THAT is gaming the system – plenty of evidence in your post to prove.

        I might say, not to you personally but those eliminating Divorcees, that the real question is this person posting ready for a vulnerable relationship? If single, are they over the issues that kept them that way? If divorced, are they moved on from their former and over the issues that caused the split? This is good advise for any relationship start, online or offline, right out of Beyond Boundaries and psychology best practices,

        Reality check: The same stigma applying to why their marriage ended may (should?) apply to why they never tied the knot. Same difference because it’s the same baggage. All of this is situational and not aimed at a specific person.

        Now I think it’s ‘Nuff said, as you say. Cheers for a brilliant post,

    • HI Jon:

      Thanks for your feedback. Always good to have discussions and get different perspectives. Yeah, I agree that morality isn’t a societal standard any more. Unfortunately, I also have to agree with Aerie’s comments. When you say, “It’s because my relationship history is NO ONE’S business unless I go out with them.”. Well, there are a lot of other things in some dating websites ask too which could be considered that, such as age, income, etc. Age is nobody’s business really. As Aerie said though, you’re lying if you list something other than your actual age. I’ve met a LOT of ladies who have lied about their age (one of which I mentioned in this series of blog posts). By your reasoning above, to me you’re saying it’s ok to lie about your age until you actually meet, start dating someone, and they get to know you.
      Same thing with income. While that’s not as important to men as it is to women, if on a site you list > $150,000/year income, a woman wants to meet you, and then you tell her it’s only $100,000, she will most definitely consider you a liar too, and there will be no possible way any sort of, “well, it’s really none of your business until we get serious with each other” argument will hold up.
      So yes, I’m a believer that if asked and you believe it’s a question that’s nobody’s business, you either don’t answer, or don’t outright lie.

      • Jon Hulett

        Disagree, even if on technicality. Age is someone’s business because it might be a safety issue not a preference. An 18 year old woman has a right to keep dirty old men out of her inbox.

        I think your problem is perspective, CC. Age and status are a required question. Income may not be. So your statement about don’t answer or it’s a lie is a bogus assumption. Status must be asked because sites may preclude those separated or not legally yet divorced. It’s a lot like the ridiculous divorce proceeding question to a 62 yo woman: “Are you pregnant?” Dumb but they have to ask.

        Look at motivation: THe motivation for a $50k + income variance is tempting. The character flaw is apparent. Show me the real thing a woman is trying to avoid, CHARACTER FLAW, in listing what’s accurate and I am comfortable with posting. There isn’t a character flaw. Now, guys who post Single not Divorced to get a date, not cool. You are what you are, Dave’s right on that one.

        But, listing single and explaining in the ad, that’s still WYSIWYG. That is NOT dishonesty. I don’t believe women should have that syntax filter on sites; they should most certainly have it if they review the profile and notes. If they don’t read the notes, they are online for the wrong reason anyway. If they do, they have every right to move on if they don’t like what they see. “AT WILL PROFILE RESPONSE.”

        Not sure if you glazed my response, but I was pretty clear I would list divorced in a description/profile. I don’t currently date online but this article drew my interest, so I can’t be a liar (yet). LOL In fact, in my post divorce support ministry, most of us identify ourselves as single in a dating pretext in person. So, GUESS WHAT? You get the same thing online, sir.

        Sure, you’re right if people who have never been married have to list why no one’s picked them for kickball. Not to be curt, but – good luck with that. You can believe what you want, recommend your best practice, and filter based on those preferences. But, just like the ultimate intolerance is intolerance of intolerance itself… You can’t call me a liar when you don’t own the definition. But, MY DATE can that I will cede.

        Good luck finding love sir, a well thought and written man like you deserves much.

    • Jon Hulett

      A point well made on my Facebook by a friend, female who dates online, led me to this conclusion:

      If a site wants to be accurate, and require this “full disclosure, whole truth” about status, then redesign your sites to either have a checkbox to mark Single AND Divorced (and let’s get kooth and NOT provide others?); or, ask the question “Are you divorced?” after asking Single status. That I would go for, and all your please and best practices would actually be correct, ethical and there would be no excuses. If the site can’t say it that way, it’s the site’s fault guys. (Said as a former web programmer.)

      Until then,here is your facts about about my age, status and family:
      I am Single
      I am Divorced
      I am 39
      I have no kids
      I want kids or want to have stepfamily

      All of these are facts. Note the only one that is a variable fact is the point of our debate here, except the kids split into HAVE/DESIRE. The inverse of the HAVE/DESIRE is Single-then-Clarify point I am making.

      I might also remind everyone that my disgust is not for “I don’t want to make Divorce” but Dave’s assertion to mark Divorced but implication not to post recent relationship status (the same thing sometimes, if not the kissing cousin to the mark.) Outside of this context, it’s not so offense to me to require posting I am Divorced. I’ll tell you what, though: I am disgusted for any that call me a liar based on my assertions. 🙂

      I might point out that no one has posted any evidence that marking SIngle instead of Divorced makes you more attractive, so no proof is being provided that it is “gaming” the system as some imply. My evidence is my friend’s reaction on Facebook, stating either is fine. Where is your evidence, not subject to a belief system? My singleness (supported by the id of recovery groups worldwide, I might add) or divorced-ness is your construct if you see a difference, subject to your belief systems not fact. They both co-exist as fact, so change your paradigm.

  • Emma G

    Clearly Dave from all the “horror” dating you’ve had what a woman puts in her profile isn’t relevant. As you seem to collect psycho’s like they’re trading cards.

    Although I have found this to be an amusing read, since a lot is common sense and common courtesy, clearly both of which is not so common in this day. However, let us not limit these things to just women, as I have seen plenty of men guilty of the same things you have listed.

    You did however forget two other tips for people when they are putting up a dating profile.
    Do NOT write:

    “I’m still working on my profile, if you’d like to know more send me a “nudge” “wink” “kiss” “icebreaker”…” – these guys are the ones looking for an ego boost, I’m going to make an assumption that these guys are the illiterate ones that like pretty pictures (no doubt they subscribe to men’s “magazines”).

    And stop trying to hide that you have been single a lot longer than you had hoped to be:
    The guys (and no doubt gals) that lose the *NEW* tag then delete the profile and make a new one, just so they don’t look like they’ve been on the site for very long! Obviously I occasionally check out RSVP from time to time and the guys that do this are the ones that make me laugh the hardest. Pretty sure one guy has been on there for years yet he’s always *NEW*.

    Alright so your gripe/tip on “My friends told me to do this” “my friend wrote this” “I’m new to this” and “Thought I might give this a go” – most men on dating websites are guilty of this too. Only they replace “friends” with “mates”. So I’m going to say that you are over thinking people’s insecurities, everyone is insecure about something and online dating has a bit stigma attached to it in some people’s minds. Let’s face it online dating is out of a lot of people’s comfort zone, so consider that “my mum told me to do this” the equivalent to a shot of scotch for courage. It helps them justify why they are doing it, even if they are only justifying it to themselves.

    I even have to admit that I actually had that in a profile once and I seriously only made the profile because my Mother, friends and other family members kept on at me to try out a dating website. I have to say it was the best profile ever! It was full of sarcasm and disparaging remarks about thing’s I’d seen in profiles. In fact it was kind of like this blog, telling people that “athletic” does not equate to the keg belly, knowing the local take out restaurants was not acceptable alternative for knowing how to cool a meal or two. It was just a laugh for me and it started out with “My mother nagged me into creating this profile”. Funnily enough I actually did get some people sending me messages! So clearly it doesn’t really matter what you write on a profile. :p

    So here we are Dave, projecting what we look for on dating profiles and then say this is what the general populace is looking at. Clearly these tips are what women should adhere to if they are trying to attract you to their dating profile, not necessarily a “quality man”. I’m not saying you aren’t a quality man either, I’m just saying that there are plenty of quality men, some who are clearly illiterate and only like to read things with lots of pretty pictures (or at least consider themselves quality men). Or the quality man that only wants a woman that is half his age and size (because that’s what he is attracted to). I could continue listing the many varied types of quality men, but it would be very long because quality men come in all different shapes and sizes. Just like quality women.

    I really think this blog entry should be renamed to “Tips for attracting me, Dave Lozinski, to your online dating profile’s ladies”. Not sure if you have to stipulate the “ladies” part but in this day and age you just never know. 🙂

    Cheers!

    PS – on a side note because people got sucked into the Single vs Divorced aspect of you blog. If you are divorced just say you are divorced, too many of my friends (male and female) have found themselves meeting a prospective partner only to find out that that person has been divorced and the ex is a complete and utter nutter (the biggest nutters seem to be the ex-hubby’s so far, yes I keep score on my friends relationships, I actually wish I could run a few bets on them at times!).

    However, those of my friends that were “hoodwinked” by this lack of information said that they would have approached the potential relationship quite differently if they had known. In the end if someone can lie about something that has helped shape them into the person they are today, then what else are they willing to lie about or worse yet – what else do they deem acceptable to lie about. Suck it up divorcee’s, you were married once or twice or several times, so what, by hiding and/or lying about it you are giving that FACT a more negative power than anybody else is.

    Yes one or two friends did said they wouldn’t have met the person based on them being divorced, but quite frankly if someone fears divorced people do you really want to be with that person. If someone won’t check out your profile based on you being divorced well clearly they have issues that you shouldn’t want to take on, please note I said shouldn’t, because for some dumb arse reason these are exactly the people that you will chase, because you want to prove something. The only thing you’re proving is that you’re a dumb arse.

    I should add that the friends that said they’d avoid starting relationships with divorced people are the ones that have had issues with the nutty violent ex’s.

    I do realise not all divorced people have these kinds of ex’s, but by not disclosing this information you are pulling the wool over someone’s eyes. No one likes to be deceived and being divorced isn’t a “little white lie” when it comes to relationships.

    When you click “divorced” on those dating websites it comes with an unwritten disclaimer – “may have bat shit crazy ex lurking in dark corners” or “this person is potentially the bat shit crazy ex looking for a new victim to unleash their crazy arse on”. That’s all it really does, very few people judge you for it, as divorce is so common today. 🙂

    Well that was a long side note …. cya’s! 🙂

    • Dave

      ” Suck it up divorcee’s, you were married once or twice or several
      times, so what, by hiding and/or lying about it you are giving that FACT
      a more negative power than anybody else is.” — couldn’t have said it better myself. 🙂

  • Elissa

    I feel like I do all this- but it hasn’t really been helping me. I get the sense that most guys aren’t reading profiles at all. That being said- I think all of these comments work for men as well, especially the first few about ask and I will tell, past break-ups, first time trying it, bad grammar etc. All of these are turn offs when I read a profile. I would also add: don’t talk about wanting no more drama.

  • Calli

    All of the men in my life are quality men. Men should be aware that as far as women are concerned …There are no “quality” men that aren’t willing to buy a women dinner.
    The women who say they are ok with it are desperate for a man to like them.
    I don’t need a man to buy me dinner but I do need him to be a man. If a man wants to go Dutch or have me pay. He is instantly regulated to the friend zone. Never to see an opportunity with me again.

  • GoRetroPam

    Amazing blogs; I just discovered them after Googling for some insight on qualities a person can bring to a relationship. I will be back; keep up the good work!

  • Angelica Sweet

    For the past 3 months I’ve been working on my online dating profile. After reading your suggestions, I spent time tweaking my description, changing up my photos to keep current, and answering all emails. I’m really frustrated with the fact that, no matter what I do, 95% of the men contacting me are retired, out of shape, and/or resemble Chester Molester. What the hell am I doing wrong? I am 43…a young/health conscious 43. I do have a 2 year old who has special needs because she was born a micro-premie. She’s doing awesome so now I am actually able to have a normal social life. I’m upfront about my daughter. I don’t want to “hide” that part of my life…at the same time, I don’t know if I scare guys off because of it. What should I do?