Sharing Sexual Fantasies
Taking time for sharing sexual fantasies with your spouse or partner can be a great way to spice up your sex life. It’s teasing, great foreplay, intimate, and can definitely reignite any fires which are burning low.
“Some of the best moments in life are ones you can’t tell anyone about.”
Unfortunately, in any relationship there’s also going to be insecurity, jealousy, and judgments, however slight, which could also douse the fire you have going.
So talking about your fantasies has to be a little more sensitive.
How do you do it? Let’s approach this with ways to get started!
Understanding Each Other’s Objectives
Before going any further, it’s imperative that both people understand each other’s objectives or intentions.
- Do you sincerely want to learn what turns your partner on and nothing more?
- Or are you hoping to create a “menu” of the sexual activities you want to try?
- Or perhaps both?
Keep in mind there’s no “right” or “wrong” answer to the above. However, you need to make sure you understand that if your partner has a Mile High Club fantasy, that it’s something they either just like to think about, or if they will be hoping you’re going to get a little frisky with them at 40,000 feet.
If any sharing of sexual fantasies is going to involve the “menu” or “hybrid” style approaches as described above, the next step should be to write them down.
To a lot of people, sexual fantasies feel like a vulnerability, a deep dark secret they aren’t inclined to share with anyone. But all too often we find that once we articulate what we want, we feel more sexually empowered and our communication feels stronger than ever.
It also creates an exciting mini “bucket list”! I’ve spoken to at least one couple who designed a holiday around their sexual fantasies, and managed to tick at least two items off the list. How good is that teamwork? 🙂
Start with a Notebook
The idea of a spiral notebook seems to be most appealing. They’re easy, they’re fun, they’re portable, and by their very design all the pages are kept together and are easily readable.
When you have the perfect notebook to keep track of each other’s fantasies, there’s something that needs to be agreed upon and written within the book first:
The Rules of Engagement
A willingness to share our fantasies reveals our desire to be vulnerable. As with anything, there has to be rules to make it easier, help alleviate any misunderstandings, and keep the trust.
Some sample rules might include:
- Thou shalt not judge your partner on anything contained within.
- There shall be no expectations of your partner doing something you want just because you did an item they suggested.
- Any changes to the rules or following through with items on this list requires unanimous consent. There shall be no resentment by either person if there is no unanimous decision.
- No portion of this book shall be shared with anyone outside the relationship except through unanimous consent.
- This book is to be kept as a whole, in tact, and accessible by both people at all times.
- In the event of a relationship breakdown, this book shall be destroyed and the destruction witnessed by partners.
The last rule? Both people are able to write to, and read from, the book as long as they agree and abide by any rules established.
Form A Rating System
To help with understanding your partner’s feelings, which may change over time, try incorporating a make-shift rating system for both people to rate. By establishing your personal rating system, you’re more likely to understand what’s going to remain in the fantasy realm versus what is currently on the “menu”. After all, what you might want to definitely do, your partner may not. Or maybe they will in a few year’s time? The point is, someone may not know how they’ll feel in a few years, or where the relationship is at, but we do know people and relationships change.
Keep it simple:
|* Rating *||* Meanings *|
|Yes||I’m ready when you are to tick this one off our list!|
|Neither here nor there||While it’s not something I would actively look for or plan to happen, if the right situation presented itself I’m sure I’d enjoy myself with you!|
|Not sure about this, but we can talk||I’m not sure how I feel or if I could do this. Maybe talking about it will help me better understand and/or alleviate my apprehensions; maybe it won’t. I’m not going to commit to this, but I’m not ruling it out either.|
|I am not comfortable with this at this time||I wouldn’t feel comfortable going through with this. My feelings might change though in the future, and I’ll be sure to update this rating then. But for now, please respect my decision.|
Talking About Sexual Fantasies
“I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.”
Before writing them down, I think it’s generally more intimate, and fun, to discuss your sexual fantasies with your partner first. It can turn one heck of an utterly boring night into exciting times! Even more so if yours and your partner’s fantasies are similar!
Feeling stumped on how to get started? Try these:
- “You know what sounds hot to me?”
- “I would love to see you doing…”
- “What did you fantasize about when you were younger?”
- “Have you ever thought about…”
- “I’m not sure I’d actually like or could do this, but I’ve always been a little curious about…”
- “There’s this thing I’ve always wanted to try when I’ve found the right person.”
Keep in mind:
- Your entire list won’t be nutted out in a night, so don’t worry!
These lists are fluid, constantly evolving! They are never complete or finished until “death due you part”.
- Go easy to begin with!
Everyone’s comfort level is different. Ease into it as you gauge each other’s reactions and excitement. While you two progress through the sharing, you’re bound to gain sexual confidence and build a stronger trusting connection. As a result, some of the “Not sure about this, but we can talk” ratings might change to, “Yes! Let’s do this one!”.
- Items should be practical as well.
I just don’t see how two people are going to easily do it while sky diving from 10,000 feet. But if you were able to do the deed, while wearing the necessary parachutes and safety harnesses as gravity pulled you down to earth, please submit a comment below to tell everyone how you’d achieved this amazing accomplishment.
Writing them down
Now that you’ve broken the ice and discussed some, it’s time to commit them to the written record! When writing them down, keep them as short and concise as possible. Unless you enjoy writing erotica too, in which case you need to start another book. 😉
Barring that, you just never know when your partner might go back, have a re-read of the fantasy list, and arrange to have one (or more) brought to life to celebrate a special birthday, anniversary, another occasion, or maybe even “just because”!
Excited at the possibilities yet?!
I hope so!
And hope this has helped.
Let me know in the comments below!
- Have you discussed sharing sexual fantasies with your partner?
- Have you brought any to life?
- How did it affect your relationship?