I was out catching up with some lady friends recently when the conversation, not unexpectedly, turned to sex.
I’m all up for some good discussions, debates, and insightful views on the topic. And guys: listening to women talk about sex is a great way to learn what women want sexually.
Anyway, one of the ladies talked about an experience which started out really well, but ended up on the not-so-great list after going downhill. Apparently his interest in having sex with her diminished faster than the rate the U.S. budget deficit is increasing under Obama.
The Round Table Ensued
Can you imagine the question/answer/what’s-wrong-with-men round-table discussion?
- “Oh my gawd!”
- “What happened?”
- “Oh no he didn’t!”
As the women were wondering what’s wrong with the guy, it finally came out, and I had to point out, what *she* did.
Before I do…
About A Man’s Desire
When it comes to intimacy, correct me if I’m wrong ladies, but I believe women often think there isn’t much that can destroy a man’s desire, especially when the woman he’s about to get some lovin’ from is a woman he is absolutely crazy about.
Generally that’s true.
As a man I can say with confidence that we like having lots of sex with a woman we are crazy for.
Ladies take note: one of the biggest, if not THE biggest way to exponentially increase how much we’re turned on is, quite simply, to just be in the mood and be expressive about it in a feminine way. It’s an explosive aphrodisiac. When a woman we want also indicates back that she wants us too — we go from zero to whoa instantaneously.
How She Killed It
However, what this lady did, unfortunately, is one of the biggest show-stopping mood killers. It will more often than not just as instantaneously reverse a man’s desire from whoa to zero.
What did she do?
She asked him one simple question: “What are you thinking?”
Ladies, if you want, or even hope, to be intimate with any man you should never, ever, utter those words (or anything which even remotely sounds familiar) at any time immediately prior to, or during, intimate activities.
If anything, you should appreciate that all of our focus is only on you – the complete center of the universe.
Why, “what are you thinking” is a turn off
When men are in an intimate situation, we are relishing on all the things we want to do to her, with her, for her; not the emotions attached to it. Our actions should speak volumes about the current state of emotions we’re feeling and experiencing. We certainly aren’t keen to talk about our emotions in general, let alone talk about them in the heat of the moment!
Other “in the heat of the moment” mood killers:
- Any uninitiated talk about exes is a total buzz kill.
We don’t care, we don’t want to know, and it’s not lady like, which leads to…
- Lack of femininity in a woman is a big turnoff.
Don’t think you can hold men to account for not leading and taking control without us holding you to the feminine ideal.
- Continuously pointing out your flaws that are either:
- a total fabrication in your mind or
- that we obviously don’t care about if we’re desiring to get, or are already, naked with you.
Women generally don’t like men who belittle themselves; the exact opposite holds true as well.
- Lying there like a starfish.
Some women are all bright and bubbly, which is great! Then, once their clothes are off, they turn into a mannequin. That’s ok on the rare occasion we’ll wake you up from a dead sleep. But otherwise? If you are that sexually naive you need to watch some porn, read some explicit how-to books, or simply read some stories of mine.
- Not being able to ignore your phone.
We want to make love to you, not your phone. Unless we know beforehand that you’re expecting an important call when we start something spontaneously, if you can’t detach from your phone and “live in the moment”, then as we’re getting our rocks off with you we’ll be thinking about hooking up with other women who will give us their total focus too.
- Being overly attentive in bed.
“Is this position OK? Did you like that? Do you like this? Do you need some water? Do you want it harder?” Then there’s the classic, “Is this good for you?” (like who’s going to say no in the middle of sex?!) Don’t get me wrong ladies…it’s great you’re focused on our pleasure. Too many questions though are distractions and will be received as annoyances. You should be able to gauge the answers to most questions from our reactions. If not, save them until after the deed when we’re more willing to have an intellectual discussion on the topic.
- Women who seem to be waiting for the “experience” to be over rather than actually interested in the consensual sexual experience they are about to engage in.
This has the snowball effect of making us men not care about pleasing you since you’re not interested; then you become even less happy you’re not satisfied to which we shrug our shoulders because we felt no inspiration. Round and round it goes.
What are your mood killers?
Everyone’s different. So what are mood killers for you?