Why Are You Single 5


Why Are You Single?

 

If you’re a somewhat decent human being complete with friends, family, a good life, but are unattached, you probably get asked this from time to time.

 

“Why Are You Single?”

 

This question presents a quandary to those who are asked: while it is a sort-of compliment, it is also one of those sort-of annoying questions.

 

To the person asking the question, it seems pretty simple and straight forward: it indicates they think you’re a good enough individual who someone else would want to be with.

Why Are You Single?

Ever wonder why you are single?

To the receiver on the other hand, they start thinking it’s the same question that:

  • academics
  • astrologists
  • business experts
  • journalists
  • marketers
  • mechanics
  • philosophers
  • psychiatrists
  • psychologists
  • tarot card readers
  • writers
  • and the new checkout clerk working at the neighborhood convenience store

wrestle with on their behalf.

 

The Crisis Point

 

It’s funny noticing the different ways people handle this question. If you’re going to ask me

 

“Why Are You Single?”

 

you might as well be asking me why I exist and send me into an existential crisis.

 

I’ll ponder,

I’ll wonder,

I’ll hypothesize,

And I’ll philosophize

 

on an answer for hours on end, watching how other people make it look so easy.

I would love to share moments like these with someone

I would love to share moments like these with someone.

 

“Geez… he just broke up with someone not even 2 weeks ago and he’s already dating someone else?!”

 

“He only recently got divorced and within the span of a year he’s engaged again? F****ck me… I’ve had maybe 3 dates of which 2 actually showed up.”

 

What’s wrong with me that I’m not with a woman who truly “gets” me? Is that my fault or theirs?

 

“How is it even death-row inmates, from behind bars, are able to find partners and get married?”

 

“Don’t I deserve to be madly in love? What if it never happens?? Are my expectations too high?”

 

“What am I or am I not doing to find someone I want to commit to?”

 

I could work the numbers and say half of marriages end in divorce anyway. Technically, that puts me ahead of everybody else with all my money and no kids to support.

 

But that’s about as satisfying as discovering you’ve matched 5/6 numbers on a Powerball lottery ticket and only win $1,000.

 

What I looooooooooooooove (besides being sarcastic) is when a non-single friend or family member says something along the lines of, “Being single is so great! You should enjoy this time!”

 

If it’s so great, why don’t you dump your bf/gf/spouse and become single again?

 

One thing I’ve also learned from being single is…

 

Giving honest answers attracted lots of advice

 

I found that no matter how honestly and sincerely I answered,

 

“Why are you single?”

 

I was provided with all sorts of unsolicited advice and well meaning encouragement, which basically falls into one of the categorized responses below.

 

What Not To Say To Single People And Why

 

1) “You’re still young! You got all the time in the world.”

Thank you for the age compliment. We do not care how old we are. We are not complaining about our age. However, we still have examples of people who are old and alone every day. That’s terrifying. So this logic of yours is moot.

 

2) “You’ll find it when you aren’t looking!”

Perhaps the most amusing category for me. Variations include, “it’ll come along when you least expect it.” I have news for you people: we’re programmed to look for it. At the very least, keep an eye open. Almost every known life form on planet earth does. That scientific stuff proves it’s in our genetic makeup. So I can either be out there looking for it, or bombarding the internet with more fantastic blogs while you try and think of someone to set me up with. Now for the moment of truth… which would you prefer?

Why Are You Single?

Maybe I need to look at things from a different perspective

3) “You’re too picky.”

Oh really? It’s well known the 10 things I’m looking for in a woman. If this list is me being too picky, I will graciously accept an invite into your lair of bachelorettes. Introduce me. Let’s see where things go. If marriage results, you’ll be assured to being our “guest of honor” at our wedding. Say you read that here and I’ll also become your new “prima donna”, writing an article dedicated to, and exposing, your absolutely amazingly incredible match-making abilities.

 

4) “You’re looking in the wrong places.”

Okay. Please tell me where I should be looking. Tell me more about this magical land where you found your significant other? Was it WORK? At a FRIEND’S GATHERING? In a BAR or CLUB? ONLINE? Were you SET UP? Please tell me, because I guarantee, I have had some type of dating experience with someone from each place you say is the “right” place to look.

 

5) “Have you tried meeting someone online?”

Have you tried reading my blog?

 

6) “You can’t be happy in a relationship unless you’re happy with yourself first.”

I actually got this from a woman once who got upset when her boyfriend wouldn’t text her back within 30 seconds. Anyway, while this overall statement is true, there are those of us who are actually happy with who we are. Also, not all of us happy single people need someone in our lives to make us happier. It’s more that we’re finally happy and want someone happy to share it with in life. We want to experience this kind of joy too.

 

7) “You need to put yourself out there more.”

Unless I need to be naked, in front of that big white house located at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington DC, baking brownies for the interns having affairs with the resident politicians (maybe that’s what I’m doing wrong?!), I think I’m doing a pretty good job. But hey, if you have any more advice on putting myself out there, let me know because maybe… just maybe… existing as a human being, going places, and meeting people on planet earth just isn’t enough?

 

Nip The Advice in the Bud

 

To help alleviate the possibility for other singles receiving said above unsolicited advice, I’ve compiled a top-10 list of great responses that you can mix/match/use in answering any,

 

“Why are you single?”

 

questions you are faced with.

 

Confirmed through lots of experimentation and technical validation, these responses should leave both you and your inquisitor satisfied.

 

  1. Why are you single?

    To have that special connection with someone...

    To have that special connection with someone…

Because when I was double, people looked at me cross-eyed.

 

  1. Why are you single?

Jesus was single. Would you be bugging him?

 

  1. Why are you single?

My mail-order bride should be arriving any day now.

 

  1. Why are you single?

Because I want my cat/dog to grow up in a stable environment.

 

  1. Why are you single?

I didn’t learn to flirt until last year.

 

  1. Why are you single?

Is this a proposal?

 

  1. Why are you single?

Name one married superhero.

Exactly.

 

  1. Why are you single?

Would you rather I be married?

 

  1. Why are you single?

Why aren’t you single?

 

And my current favorite answer:

 

  1. Why are you single?

It gives my parents something to live for.

 

Share the Love!

 
What do you think when people ask you,

 

“Why are you single?”

 

How do you handle it?
 
Do you have a favorite response when people ask you that question?