Asking a friend of someone you went on a date with, out on a date
How many of you have gone on a date with someone in which nothing romantically developed any further? But then a few weeks later you saw or met someone who is a friend of that person you went out with that you drew an interest to?
Is it kosher to go out on a date with that person? Or not?
In today’s social media world, it’s too easy to meet people, especially through friends. We go to a friend’s bbq, or RSVP to a Facebook event, or all comment on an Instagram photo. It’s not uncommon that “friends of a friend” meet or introduce themselves through one of these channels where our “friend” is someone that one of us previously had a date with.
We’ve all done it — receiving a “friend request” from someone we don’t know; exchanging witty banter over a posted photo; taking a conversation “offline” to a coffee; or even on Tinder when we both swipe right knowing we have a mutual friendship connection.
So it should be no surprise that sometimes what occurs is: Asking a Friend of a Date, out on a Date. Or in simplistic terms, dating a friend of a friend.
Here’s a tale that illustrates the point…
“Mark” and “Jennifer” were introduced through a mutual friend
A few days later, Jennifer contacted Mark and messages were exchanged.
These lead to Jennifer asking Mark out.
Now, while they had a good time out, nothing happened romantically. That is, there was no hugging, no hand holding, not even a kiss at the end of the date.
No second date is ever arranged or considered by either party. In fact, apparently Jennifer herself said she would not go out with Mark again.
However, they remain friends, occasionally exchanging the odd message here and there.
Fast forward a few weeks
In Mark’s Facebook news feed the section entitled, “People You May Know” appears. It’s that section where pictures of friends of your friends are displayed, along with people who belong to social groups you may be in, or maybe even work at the same place. I don’t know exactly how it chooses the people to display there, but I’ve seen it a few times too, and have become reacquainted with a few old friends this way.
Anyway, one of the first photos displayed on Mark’s screen happens to be “Elise”, who (unknown to him at the time) is a friend of Jennifer.
Elise’s photo captures Mark’s attention
So much so Mark decided to write Elise a Facebook message. He explained to Elise that her profile came up in his news feed and he liked what he saw. He then asked that if she was single and open to possibilities because he’d like to get to know her better.
The Difference of Opinions
Jennifer finds out about Mark’s message. She asked Mark about it and he said yes, he wrote her friend.
“I thought it was poor form and rude of you to contact a friend of mine after we had gone out.”
“What? So what you’re saying is it’s rude of me to ask and/or go out with anyone you may be friends with because you and I went out on one date a few weeks ago and decided not to pursue anything further?”
Personally, I don’t consider Mark’s actions rude at all.
- by all accounts Mark wasn’t scouring through Jennifer’s friend list; he didn’t even know initially that Elise was Jennifer’s friend.
- he and Jennifer went out on one date in which nothing ensued and nothing was going to ensue. In Jennifer’s own words, she wasn’t going to go out with him again;
- this was several weeks after his date with Jennifer;
- he wrote her friend what I think sounds like a respectful message;
- he is under no obligation to let Jennifer know any time he wants to ask someone out on a first date whether or not said potential-date knows Jennifer by zero, one, two, or more, degrees of separation.
I think not only is Jennifer slightly jealous, but that her actions are also hypocritical.
Did Jennifer ask her mutual friend, who she met Mark through, if it was okay to go out with Mark before Jennifer asked Mark out? As far as I know, she never did. So according to Jennifer, Mark has to ask Jennifer if he can go out with someone, but Jennifer doesn’t have to do the same.
But I digress…
What do you think?
1) Is Mark well within his level of appropriateness? Or has he, in Jennifer’s view, shown “poor form”?
2) Is it okay in asking a friend of a former date, out on a date?
Leave your thoughts below!